What’s the greatest mystery of life?

Why is my bed wet?  Seriously.

It’s 8 o’clock and I am SO SO SO ready for bed.  I lay down and my foot hits something wet.  Then I remember Emerson spilled her Dr. Pepper.  In my bed.  I have few rules in my house.  My main one is that you eat and drink at the kitchen table.  Do my kids follow this rule?  Bahahaha no.  That’s why there is Dr. Pepper in my bed.  I guess it’s better than an alternative (I think you can guess what something like that would be).  In all honesty there is nothing better than having just washed sheets and then having my kids bring in their drinks/food to my fresh sheets and destroying them.  If your a mom, you know this has happened to you.  Unless you are a sanctimom… then it’s also happened to you.
Lincoln and Nolan conspired together tonight to spill half a bag of chips on the dining room floor.  They decided to eat chips after I fed them dinner, because you know they were starving when they didn’t eat.  Nolan threw his food one by one off his highchair.  I don’t get it.  I LOVE FOOD.  I would eat almost anything that someone cooked and put in front of me.  My kids don’t.  It’s a mystery.

What are some of the greatest mysteries?  It’s not how the pyramids came to be or if there is a lost city of Atlantis.  It’s kids.  Think about it:

Why don’t STARVING kids eat their food at dinnertime?  Yet they will eat it off the floor…

Why don’t kids that are so exhausted want to sleep and fight it?

Why do kids fight over a single toy when there are so many others to play with?

Why don’t kids listen AT ALL (you know us parents know it all)?

How do toddlers learn to do that cute manipulative smile?  You know the one I am talking about…

How do my kids know how to work MY phone BETTER than ME?

Why does Ems have two friends I can’t see named Akea and Aleeah?  And where did she come up with those names?!  I’ve even googled their names.  Nothing comes up.  Huh.

Why do kids eat things that are not food?

These questions are just the tip of the iceberg.  See, there are so many unanswered questions.  This is why I need a manual for kids!  Maybe I need to write my own since no one can seem to find theirs.  It can’t be that hard, right?

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