How do I still have all my hair?

Who holds the world record for taking the longest amount of time to do anything AND everything?  It’s gotta be Sam.  Literally it takes her hours to do anything.  She takes a shower until all the hot water runs out (which is about an hour).  It usually takes three hours to get her to bed.  I started the process tonight at 6:30, and it’s now 8:20 and she’s still up.  She sleeps through her alarm in the morning and it takes her a good 30 minutes to get ready.  Is this a tween thing?  Someone tell me it’s a phase, but somehow I don’t think it is.  Does anyone have that “How to raise your tween and survive” manual?  Is there a chapter on it?  How can I enter her to be in the World Record book?  I’m sure she holds the record.  She probably will hold the record for all of eternity because she is just that slow.

Someone asked my husband, “How does Brittany still have all of her hair?”

Honestly, I don’t know.  I do know it’s almost all gray.  For every time I need to talk to my kids or they have a tantrum, 10 more grays show up.  Is there a world record for the youngest person with all gray hair?  I need to be that person.  I believe I AM THAT PERSON.  Thank goodness for the $3.00 bottle of Revlon.

Now Sam is calling me from her room on her Alexa.  Who set up our Alexa’s so they can call each other?  Oh that’s right it was my husband.  It was a bad idea.  My kids like to call me when they are supposed to be sleeping.  Who holds the world record for being the most exhausted mom?  It’s also gotta be me.  Actually, I take that back.  I saw on Facebook a woman with 4 under 4.  I can only imagine that life.  I had 3 under 3 and barely survived.  There are no words.  God knew what he was doing with what he gave me.  I can’t imagine 4 under 4.  I shudder when thinking about that.

Let’s get back to the exhaustion.  I was so tired today I bought a regular coke instead of a diet coke.  A regular coke looked exactly the same.  I forgot to buy milk in the store and left without it.  I then had to go back in and buy it.  I saw a fuzz ball in my classroom and thought it was a giant spider web full of baby spiders.  Another teacher came into my classroom to check, and said it was a feather duster.  I was ready to vacate my classroom and get my students out over what I thought was a bunch of spiders.  A feather duster. Spiders.  Tiredness makes a person think some crazy things.  Luckily for me there are THREE more days until summer break.  Boy, do I need it.  I’d say keep those prayers going for me, but I think that mom with 4 under 4 may need them more.



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